Monday, March 31, 2008

baby i just got started loving you

So times are tough. Me and my beloved are on a trial seperation. we still live together and still hang out (i mean really who elce are we going to hang out with we are our own bff)and still love eachother greatly. But ricky thinks that he may not love me as much as i need him to. and we know that i do demand alot of love. Which is absolutly crushing for me. I have thoughts of "how can this happen again, i give my heart and soul to someone and they dont have enough to give to me". he is a good man though. our cell phones are on the same plan and he will continue to pay it and of coarse will continue to pay rent. It is a confusing situtation. Rick says that he loves me and that he just feels like he holds me back. Cant blame him on that one i feel that too sometimes. but he and i are adults and surprisingly are dealing with it in an adult like manner. I respect him for having the balls to bring this foward insted of just acting the part. it would be worse to have him fake love me. but i realize that i am rambeling. i havent told anyone about all this and it is nice to put it up on the screen. I have found that this seperation has givin me a renewed sense of ME, i am building my confidence again. For the two of us we are getting to know each other again. its amazing how day to day life can make you inadvertently become drawn apart. we are becomming friends again, laughing again, having amazing sex again. These things give me faith that even if we dont work it all out Rick will continue to be a dear friend for the rest of my life. If that is all i can get than i am willing to take that.

1 comment:

JG said...

Wow, Alice, what an amazing post! You know I check this blog every day even though you only update it once a month. ;)
It sounds like you and Ricky are being incredibly mature about your relationship, and I am so proud of how strong you are! I don't know if you read my blog, but I recently put up a post about a fight that Trav and I had that was so bad that we decided we need to see a marriage counselor before we have the baby...just to work out the kinks. Relationships are NEVER fairytale easy! But, it sounds like you realize this completely and it sounds like you're being very sensible. I wish that we were closer right now so that I could support you better. I hope you know that even though we aren't really talking I still love you to pieces and wish the absolute best for you--no matter what that is! If you do ever feel like calling I would love to be in touch again. We've been best friends since I can remember, and no misunderstanding or disagreement will ever be so powerful that I would forget or not love you!
Good luck, and stay strong.