I never finished about ruckus

So i never fininshed the whole big dog thing. I didnt end up keeping him we were testing him out and it did not work in a big way. The problem was this. Big dog=big poop, pee, big dog that has not been fully trained= ... well im sure you can put it together. Not to mention the time i took him for a hike and he got loose and almost got us both killed by a bus. scary..
on a better note. i am "testing" another dog this weekend and i feel really good about this one. He is a american eskimo dog, purebred. he only weights about 15 lbs. ( i can totally take him). he is white, fuzzy, snuggly, cute, 7 years old and FULLY trained. So we will see. Promise for a update after the weekend.

the goats, on our way to pick black raspberries! Yummy

The calf compound

Finially some more farm pictures Goats are for sale so if your interested...

New Baby

CONGRADULATIONS JENN AND TRAVIS WELCOME SOPHIA!!

baby i just got started loving you

So times are tough. Me and my beloved are on a trial seperation. we still live together and still hang out (i mean really who elce are we going to hang out with we are our own bff)and still love eachother greatly. But ricky thinks that he may not love me as much as i need him to. and we know that i do demand alot of love. Which is absolutly crushing for me. I have thoughts of "how can this happen again, i give my heart and soul to someone and they dont have enough to give to me". he is a good man though. our cell phones are on the same plan and he will continue to pay it and of coarse will continue to pay rent. It is a confusing situtation. Rick says that he loves me and that he just feels like he holds me back. Cant blame him on that one i feel that too sometimes. but he and i are adults and surprisingly are dealing with it in an adult like manner. I respect him for having the balls to bring this foward insted of just acting the part. it would be worse to have him fake love me. but i realize that i am rambeling. i havent told anyone about all this and it is nice to put it up on the screen. I have found that this seperation has givin me a renewed sense of ME, i am building my confidence again. For the two of us we are getting to know each other again. its amazing how day to day life can make you inadvertently become drawn apart. we are becomming friends again, laughing again, having amazing sex again. These things give me faith that even if we dont work it all out Rick will continue to be a dear friend for the rest of my life. If that is all i can get than i am willing to take that.

New addition to my life Ruckus!

Part of me still finds it depressing

So every week i buy the Addison independent. Is a comfort thing i start with the police log which thankfully i nolonger recognize any names! then i read the oped page and then always find myself looking at the announcements you know the wedding/baby/engagement page. And every week without fail, there is another person from my highschool class that is either married, engaged or celebrating the arrival of a new baby. AAAAh i remind myself that i am not in a race and that i am not getting left behind. But boy is it hard to find the strength to not get down about it. On the bright side i regularly am able to celebrate the addition to the herd on the farm.. it amazes me how often calves are born on the farm. I am beginning to master the art of convincing them that i am their mother.You know mooing and giving them their first meal. I chuckle when i picture how jenn and ruth would laugh it they were to catch me crouched down on the milk house floor doing my best momma cow while a brand new calf stumbles to and fro trying to reach its "mother" and her tasty meal in a giant baby bottle. For now these will be my babies. And that is just fine.

Wow just thinking about it makes me feel better.

Its funny how when it snows, no matter where you are you feel a sense of peace. I can be out at the farm or at the apartment in "downtown" middlebury and the snow is just so quiet and peaceful. Ahhh wonderful.